One last thing! Before I start journal entries I thought I would describe what I feel are some of the benefits to our cuckold marriage. What works for us obviously won't work for everyone. I should also note that this process has not been smooth sailing for the last 10 years since we started. Anytime people spend intimate moments together there is the possibility of feelings developing. A lot of guys probably think "gee if someone's wife asked me to have sex with them and the husband was cool with it hell yeah I would have no problem with that". In a lot of cases that is how it starts but as time goes on we have seen that some of the guys , not all, start to show signs of attachment and it has even happened with my wife getting attached to them. One such case went so far that my wife was actually considering leaving me for the other guy. No matter how solid you think your marriage is this is a real possibility.
Luckily for us we with a little communication these issues were worked through and these bumps in the road have strengthened our marriage even more. My wife Michelle has told me that I am perfect husband and father material however none of the guys she has dated come close to filling those roles. The guy she was so attracted to that she though about leaving me for would have been a disastrous relationship that probably would have lasted less than a month. Even though they had hot sexual chemistry together they really shared little else in common but it goes to show that there can be real emotions involved and it is not always just sex.
Even with this close call and some smaller hiccups we both agree that the benefits for us far outweigh the risks of emotional attachment. Michelle is always very upfront with her new boyfriends so if she feels they are getting attached emotionally she will call a time out or end their relationship. Sure she goes out on dates with them and even has gone on vacations with them so they definitely enjoy some of the feel of a legitimate relationship but in the end they retreat to their own corners. Funny enough she has been involved with both married and single guys and the married ones have been typically the ones that have caused issues. We think this is due to the fact that they are cheating on their wife because they are not satisfied in their marriage even if they say different. When they get with a woman that suddenly pays attention to them and gives them sex then they want what they don't have. With single guys a married woman is perfect when they are in-between girlfriends.
I asked my wife what she felt were the benefits of having a cuckold marriage arrangement and besides the fact that she gets to experience different men she thinks the best benefit is the attention she gets. She loves when guys hit on her and the whole dance of courtship. We have never used a website or other arranged way to find guys. It is amazing she said when you find a guy you are attracted to how just being nice to them starts the ball rolling. With the exception of one guy she has never been overtly flirtatious upfront with guys she has been with just talking to them and being nice generally is all it takes. As a man I can see this. Anytime a woman goes out of her way to talk to me or be nice I start to sense some sexual energy there whether it really is or isn't. Most of the guys she is sexually attracted to are of a certain mold and have an Alpha male personality so once she baits the hook they practically reel themselves in. Of course another benefit is she gets to have fun away from her family. I know that sounds bad but I perfectly understand. When we as a family go on vacation everything is centered around the kids. When she goes on vacation with a boyfriend it is centered around her and she can be more relaxed. Even when we go on vacation as a couple it is hard to totally unwind without worrying how the kids are doing with grandma etc. At least when she goes with her boyfriend she knows I am home with the kids and everyone is safe.
For me the benefits are my wife dresses sexier, her sex drive is way up, and she seems to be in a much better mood all the time. As with most cuckolds though it is really the emotional tug of war that we enjoy the most. While my wife does not lock me up in any chastity device I do remain chaste while she is in a relationship unless she chooses to have sex with me. In other words she is in total control of my orgasms. This coupled with the waiting for her to return keeps me in a state of arousal that is higher than anything I have experienced. Sure there are butterflies and a little concern but that is all part of it. One added bonus is I have got into the best shape of my life in the last few years probably because subconsciously I am competing for my wife with other men.
All in all it has been great for us. I love when my wife returns from being with her boyfriend and teases me with stories of what they did together. Occasionally if I am lucky and they are both in the mood they will make videos for me to watch. The leads me to one last thing. Many cuckolds prefer to be present while there wife is with other guys. I actually have never really felt a need to be present. That is not to say that someday that wont happen but for me it is not as much about the visual as the emotional. I know my wife is more comfortable without me there but she said it would be ok if I wanted to with her new boyfriend but so far I have not elected to do so. Most of her boyfriends were not ok with me being there and unless you are using a site like AFF or Craigslist to find strictly sexual partners this will probably be the common response.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Why Am I Wired To Be A Cuckold (or whatever)?
I have given a lot of thought to this over the years and I am now convinced that it stems from my early relationships with girls. In high school I dated several girls but I only had what I would consider 2 serious relationships. One of these lasted about 8 months and the other about 1-1/2 years. In both of these relationships my girlfriend cheated on me with another guy and in both cases I took them back. I think it was this willingness to forgive their transgressions that eventually led me to actually feel turned on by thoughts of them being with another man. I know this is a difficult line to draw and probably most cases where a person is cheated on this is rarely the outcome but for me I think this was it.
My second long term girlfriend in my formative years (the one I had for over a year and a half) cheated on me on 2 occasions with different guys. By cheating I mean she had sex with them not just kissing or holding hands or some other adolescent idea of cheating. As far as I know it only happened 2 times but it could have been and most likely was more than that. In each case I took her back even though it was a hit to my ego and reputation. What was even more odd was I never actually had sex with either of my girlfriends that cheated on me. Go ahead call me a loser but I was too much of a nice guy I guess that I always stopped short of going all the way with girls as far as full intercourse is concerned. It's not that I was some loser or goon on the contrary I was and still am a good looking outgoing guy that most people would assume has been laid his fair share of times but I'll just admit it now I was a virgin until I met my wife. I am sure now that the reason she probably dumped me for good was because I was too nice or possibly too scared to go all the way with her. Like a lot of guys I have always felt a little inadequate in the package department and that coupled with my nice guy demeanor made sex a very intimidating thing for me. For a long time after our break-up, and really all the way until I met my now wife, when I masturbated I fantasized about this girl but in my fantasies it was not me having sex with her but one of the guys she was cheating on me with. Deep I know!.
I guess when I finally met my wife and I knew she was going to be the one this fantasy in my head morphed to where I replaced my ex-girlfriend with my new one. Eventually this fantasy became to overwhelming for me to keep inside and I finally gathered the courage to tell my wife but that is for another post.
My second long term girlfriend in my formative years (the one I had for over a year and a half) cheated on me on 2 occasions with different guys. By cheating I mean she had sex with them not just kissing or holding hands or some other adolescent idea of cheating. As far as I know it only happened 2 times but it could have been and most likely was more than that. In each case I took her back even though it was a hit to my ego and reputation. What was even more odd was I never actually had sex with either of my girlfriends that cheated on me. Go ahead call me a loser but I was too much of a nice guy I guess that I always stopped short of going all the way with girls as far as full intercourse is concerned. It's not that I was some loser or goon on the contrary I was and still am a good looking outgoing guy that most people would assume has been laid his fair share of times but I'll just admit it now I was a virgin until I met my wife. I am sure now that the reason she probably dumped me for good was because I was too nice or possibly too scared to go all the way with her. Like a lot of guys I have always felt a little inadequate in the package department and that coupled with my nice guy demeanor made sex a very intimidating thing for me. For a long time after our break-up, and really all the way until I met my now wife, when I masturbated I fantasized about this girl but in my fantasies it was not me having sex with her but one of the guys she was cheating on me with. Deep I know!.
I guess when I finally met my wife and I knew she was going to be the one this fantasy in my head morphed to where I replaced my ex-girlfriend with my new one. Eventually this fantasy became to overwhelming for me to keep inside and I finally gathered the courage to tell my wife but that is for another post.
Intro
The point of this blog is to act as a journal for me (husband) to record current and past experiences in my cuckold marriage (in which my wife sleeps with other men) as well as to explore some of the personal psychology that being in this type of relationship has on me. I am not pretending to be some expert in sexual psychology nor will I be posting any pseudo-scientific claims on how cuckold relationships work. Anyone reading this blog that is interested in or is currently in a cuckold relationship will not find a vast amount of information on all the ins and outs and different levels of cuckolding that exists. In fact some people may not even consider our marriage a true cuckold relationship. In fact the term cuckold has really broadened from its original meaning and so I really only use this term for a lack of something better to call it.
The reason I use the term cuckold is because it is a more familiar one word term to describe our marriage where I not only am aware of my wife sleeping with other men but I encourage it. This probably actually makes me a Wittol but I have really only recently come across this word and I don't know if it is a commonly used term. In any case I hate both words but it condenses a paragraph of explanation down to one word so I will go with it until something better comes along.
I have known for a long time, long before I heard the word cuckold, that I had the desire for my wife to have relationships with other men. Of course I heard of swinging and wife swapping etc. but I have never had a desire to be with other women. The thought of my wife receiving pleasure from another man however has always be very arousing for me. I guess this is somewhat selfish on my part and I think initially my wife felt this way as well, which I will expand on later, but she definitely no longer feels this way. I'm sure if you are here reading this then you are not in the portion of the population that feels this is disturbing, gross, weird, etc. I am willing to bet however that more men than are willing to admit have had fantasies to some degree that would be considered cuckold fantasies.
Finally I guess the reason I decided to write this blog, other than my own personal therapy, was because I wanted something that was not over the top or threatening to couples looking to explore cuckolding further. Trust me as a man I enjoy looking at other blogs and websites that are explicit in this theme and who knows maybe my wife would enjoy them too but I guess I want to make a resource that I would like to have had when I sat down with my wife and explained my thoughts - something that I could have said "see this is what I am talking about".
The reason I use the term cuckold is because it is a more familiar one word term to describe our marriage where I not only am aware of my wife sleeping with other men but I encourage it. This probably actually makes me a Wittol but I have really only recently come across this word and I don't know if it is a commonly used term. In any case I hate both words but it condenses a paragraph of explanation down to one word so I will go with it until something better comes along.
I have known for a long time, long before I heard the word cuckold, that I had the desire for my wife to have relationships with other men. Of course I heard of swinging and wife swapping etc. but I have never had a desire to be with other women. The thought of my wife receiving pleasure from another man however has always be very arousing for me. I guess this is somewhat selfish on my part and I think initially my wife felt this way as well, which I will expand on later, but she definitely no longer feels this way. I'm sure if you are here reading this then you are not in the portion of the population that feels this is disturbing, gross, weird, etc. I am willing to bet however that more men than are willing to admit have had fantasies to some degree that would be considered cuckold fantasies.
Finally I guess the reason I decided to write this blog, other than my own personal therapy, was because I wanted something that was not over the top or threatening to couples looking to explore cuckolding further. Trust me as a man I enjoy looking at other blogs and websites that are explicit in this theme and who knows maybe my wife would enjoy them too but I guess I want to make a resource that I would like to have had when I sat down with my wife and explained my thoughts - something that I could have said "see this is what I am talking about".
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